Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Set
So, I haven't really decided what a blog is. I always thought it was political. The thing is, I'm not political. I don't watch the news. I know that that is deliberately ignorant, but I don't like it. The things they show me aren't the things I want to know. I can't help the people whose homes were ruined in a tornado, and the starving masses can't tell whether or not I finish my green vegetables. I'm sorry, but that's the truth. The only way to make a difference to those people is to go and help them directly. I'd like to be the one helping them. If I could go and help them and that was it I would be a happy guy, but that's not the whole story. If I was to pick up now and leave, my life would be severely changed. That's not the bad part. If my life changes, it happens, I'll deal. The issue is, that change has repercussions. If I leave, I leave my school, and my job. I leave my friends with this house, which means I leave my rent. I leave the ones I work with, for whom I have great respect. I leave my family, with no way to help them if I'm needed. It would be irresponsible and ignorant. I'm not an irresponsible man. If you wan't to call me ignorant, go ahead. But if you would rather I watch the news and see the people who need me everyday a thousand miles away, knowing I'm not going to help them, than stay where I am, take care of those around me and do what good I can from here, than I apologize, because I'm afraid one of us isn't thinking this through. Watch the news if you like. My TV is off, and I've got the weather network bookmarked.
Friday, December 12, 2008
Call-Cat
A phone is dailed. A phone rings. Someone somewhere picks it up.
-click-
"Hey Joe. Yeah, I'm alright. Can't complain. Haha, no, not lettin it get to me. Did I ever tell you about that, Joe? Did I ever tell you why I'm so relaxed, why I don't stress? Nope, cheaper than pot. Much. Haha. Yeah, exactly.
"It's hard to explain, so just give me a second here, Joe. Alright. Alright.
"So, I guess You could say I'm not stressed because I'm not worried. Yes, I know that's a circular explanation Joe, but let me continue. I have this apparently rare ability to be able to raise my shoulders a little and let them fall. I have an incredible capacity for shrugs. It's more important than it sounds. See, when you shrug you sort of say in your head 'oh well, what 're you gonna do'. And that's all well and good, but when I shrug I say 'yeah thats rough. might be tough. I can handle it. fuck it. '. Either that or 'I don't care'. Mostly the first one though. I'll get back to the second one. Remind me, Joe, okay?
"AS I was saying, my shrugs are shrugs of acceptance and readiness. Its like I say to myself 'are you ready' and the answer is invariably 'lets just try it and see'. Sometimes I'm not ready. It's happenned. It has. I pussy out of situations all the time. I guess a better description would be 'lets just see', because usually I enter into these situations slightly apprehensively, but once the situations arrive I just deal. I'll repeat that. I just deal. I'm going to let that simmer on your brain pan for a second. one steamboat.... good.
"I deal. I deal really well. Like a cat I land on my feet, metaphorically. Thats the only way I'm like a cat. It's funny, but do you know how I deal so well, Joe? because I'm almost always ready to fall. It's that damn boyscout training. Be Prepared. I am, most of the time. If I'm not, then I don't bother entering into the circumstance. So thats another thing, I don't enter into anything that I know for sure I can't handle.
"Somewhere during this whole thing I think I pulled a hypocritical muscle Joe. Stop me If I'm not on the same train of thought. Yeah, maybe we should recap. I shrug and am not worried because I can handle it. I don't do things unless I can handle them. No, that makes sense. Of course I'm only going to shrug if something comes up because it's going to come up under circumstances that are not beyond my control. How diverse those circumstances are becomes a reflection of how capable I am. I am quite capable. Hence, the many circumstance with which I can deal. Ergo, I shrug, a lot. Bam. What, Joe? Right, the 'I dont care' shrugs. Good remind. High Five.
"The I don't care shrugs are different. Its partly the same shrug as having to do with being able to handle business, but also is partly influenced by a sort of blanketing forebearance I've developed over time. Think of it as a tough skin that isn't only physical and emotional, but social as well. It has a lot to do with griping, Joe, thats griping, as in complaining or bitching. I rarely do it. I don't see a reason for it. You can do it to me all you want. I'll probably just shrug and smile. watch for it next time, Joe. Ha, I know. I know.
"The thing is... it gets complicated, so I'm going to have to talk about it another time. I've got some work to get done. Or something, but I'll see you later Joe. Yeah for sure. Later."
-click-
-click-
"Hey Joe. Yeah, I'm alright. Can't complain. Haha, no, not lettin it get to me. Did I ever tell you about that, Joe? Did I ever tell you why I'm so relaxed, why I don't stress? Nope, cheaper than pot. Much. Haha. Yeah, exactly.
"It's hard to explain, so just give me a second here, Joe. Alright. Alright.
"So, I guess You could say I'm not stressed because I'm not worried. Yes, I know that's a circular explanation Joe, but let me continue. I have this apparently rare ability to be able to raise my shoulders a little and let them fall. I have an incredible capacity for shrugs. It's more important than it sounds. See, when you shrug you sort of say in your head 'oh well, what 're you gonna do'. And that's all well and good, but when I shrug I say 'yeah thats rough. might be tough. I can handle it. fuck it. '. Either that or 'I don't care'. Mostly the first one though. I'll get back to the second one. Remind me, Joe, okay?
"AS I was saying, my shrugs are shrugs of acceptance and readiness. Its like I say to myself 'are you ready' and the answer is invariably 'lets just try it and see'. Sometimes I'm not ready. It's happenned. It has. I pussy out of situations all the time. I guess a better description would be 'lets just see', because usually I enter into these situations slightly apprehensively, but once the situations arrive I just deal. I'll repeat that. I just deal. I'm going to let that simmer on your brain pan for a second. one steamboat.... good.
"I deal. I deal really well. Like a cat I land on my feet, metaphorically. Thats the only way I'm like a cat. It's funny, but do you know how I deal so well, Joe? because I'm almost always ready to fall. It's that damn boyscout training. Be Prepared. I am, most of the time. If I'm not, then I don't bother entering into the circumstance. So thats another thing, I don't enter into anything that I know for sure I can't handle.
"Somewhere during this whole thing I think I pulled a hypocritical muscle Joe. Stop me If I'm not on the same train of thought. Yeah, maybe we should recap. I shrug and am not worried because I can handle it. I don't do things unless I can handle them. No, that makes sense. Of course I'm only going to shrug if something comes up because it's going to come up under circumstances that are not beyond my control. How diverse those circumstances are becomes a reflection of how capable I am. I am quite capable. Hence, the many circumstance with which I can deal. Ergo, I shrug, a lot. Bam. What, Joe? Right, the 'I dont care' shrugs. Good remind. High Five.
"The I don't care shrugs are different. Its partly the same shrug as having to do with being able to handle business, but also is partly influenced by a sort of blanketing forebearance I've developed over time. Think of it as a tough skin that isn't only physical and emotional, but social as well. It has a lot to do with griping, Joe, thats griping, as in complaining or bitching. I rarely do it. I don't see a reason for it. You can do it to me all you want. I'll probably just shrug and smile. watch for it next time, Joe. Ha, I know. I know.
"The thing is... it gets complicated, so I'm going to have to talk about it another time. I've got some work to get done. Or something, but I'll see you later Joe. Yeah for sure. Later."
-click-
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Mirrormask
Its a mask, the mirrormask. It's reflective, it magnifies, it is a lens. It's something polished, something prized. something that's been worried over and scrubbed and buffed until we can see ourselves in it the way we always wanted to see ourselves. I've never been able to polish anything to that fine of a sheen.
I could discuss the concepts that are discussed, but I don't really want to. I don't want to analyze, the way we are taught to analyze. I want to enjoy, the way I have done before. I want to speak in riddles and answer in jests and not wonder what keeps everything from falling down. I used to know.
Things can be so intrusive. And perverse. I can't help but wonder how others see the world. If they saw the world as I did would they act out the poor parodies they seem to? Do they enjoy them? I can only curl my lip. It's something between a sneer and a smirk, and even I don't know which one I'm trying to convey. And now I feel as if I don't understand.
I often wonder, the times I have to myself, how things have come to change. I have often known my place, and the way that I move, and how my time seems to count along towards whatever beginning we have set for ourselves. A steady pace, a gentle countenance, a cowardly way, but subtly. I am comprised in subtlety. Here my thoughts can be discerned but yet I always feel that I haven't been able to communicate what I really wish to. For pandering is a life spent best in a court without fools, all the better to be without competition.
I understand this. I did before. It was one of my greatest virtues, when I was young. Although youth remains there is something else which takes its place, and it is to this that I owe the greatest debt. The unfortunate thing is that this debt cannot be repaid - it is the nature of the thing - and it will continue to grow like my ears and nose, and the ability to tolerate irrelevant banter. Oh I see. That is ironic.
This is not something I can conclude. Nor would I if I could, for it would not lend itself any longer were I to, how you say, stop. But I should think that the mirrormask has reflected itself upon me quite enough today, and me upon myself as well. I've done well for riddles, I must say. Perhaps, a couple of these words are good. Perhaps.
I could discuss the concepts that are discussed, but I don't really want to. I don't want to analyze, the way we are taught to analyze. I want to enjoy, the way I have done before. I want to speak in riddles and answer in jests and not wonder what keeps everything from falling down. I used to know.
Things can be so intrusive. And perverse. I can't help but wonder how others see the world. If they saw the world as I did would they act out the poor parodies they seem to? Do they enjoy them? I can only curl my lip. It's something between a sneer and a smirk, and even I don't know which one I'm trying to convey. And now I feel as if I don't understand.
I often wonder, the times I have to myself, how things have come to change. I have often known my place, and the way that I move, and how my time seems to count along towards whatever beginning we have set for ourselves. A steady pace, a gentle countenance, a cowardly way, but subtly. I am comprised in subtlety. Here my thoughts can be discerned but yet I always feel that I haven't been able to communicate what I really wish to. For pandering is a life spent best in a court without fools, all the better to be without competition.
I understand this. I did before. It was one of my greatest virtues, when I was young. Although youth remains there is something else which takes its place, and it is to this that I owe the greatest debt. The unfortunate thing is that this debt cannot be repaid - it is the nature of the thing - and it will continue to grow like my ears and nose, and the ability to tolerate irrelevant banter. Oh I see. That is ironic.
This is not something I can conclude. Nor would I if I could, for it would not lend itself any longer were I to, how you say, stop. But I should think that the mirrormask has reflected itself upon me quite enough today, and me upon myself as well. I've done well for riddles, I must say. Perhaps, a couple of these words are good. Perhaps.
Saturday, December 6, 2008
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